Tonight was really good. I talked with Geordie about a lot of different topics, including God. I know he still believes in God and he even said he would go to church with me three times, if I found one he wanted me to try. And that gave me more hope than I have had in a while
I love the sound of rain. At first, it sounds like a million pennies hitting the roof. And then, the thunder bursts forth, sounding like an old truck on a back gravel road. The lightening comes, in flashes and bursts, like God taking pictures.
I’m trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing the next six weeks. I know I should have figured it out by now, but I didn’t. I’m not really sure what God wants me to do and I don’t really feel any direction. I looked for about 2 hours today, at different nonprofits, just to volunteer, but I couldn’t find anything. It’s funny, I feel like every time I turn on the television, or listen to some speaker, they tell me to get involved, and then once I try to, every place just tells me to write a letter to congress or donate money. Isn’t time just as important? I need to be directed. I want to help, I want to do good, but the question is where?
This blog is partly just to unload all of the thoughts in my head and partly because I feel like writing used to be a large part of my life and it has slowly dwindled. I am trying to make things that are important to me in my life the main things. Why is it so easy to be distracted? I feel like I want to do so much in my life, but each day I’ve been sitting around, watching tv or on facebook, feeling my brain and my passion and my time slip away. I tell myself everyday, if it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But sometimes it’s hard, not having a plan. A goal in mind. And even when I make goals, I feel like sometimes they are too scary and I sell myself short by telling myself I can’t do that, or I am too tired. I’m done with feeling like that. I’m done with settling for myself. I know I can be better. And I know that I can make other people’s lives better too, I just have to figure out how. While I may not understand all of this quite yet, and I might never understand it all, I know I am loved, which is always a relief at the end of the day.